Week 55
View from the houseboats
What a week. On the national stage, ongoing hard and triggering news like increasing COVID cases with the new variants, the Derek Chauvin trial, another mass shooting…never mind ongoing racism. For those of you in need of, or about to take, time off, I cannot recommend this blog post from Dr. Urmimala Sakar’s enough: https://sarkarlab.ucsf.edu/new-blog/ooo - I wish I had this advice to refer to when particularly hard things started happening in my family a couple years ago.
On the home front, major shifts. I got my second dose vaccine, my first haircut in over a year…and most importantly, Theo and I got to hug my mom for the first time in a year and a half (all masked and outside). She’s moving permanently (insofar as both of us renting is permanence) to the houseboat next door (and is fully vaccinated). Theo pretty much lost his mind with excitement – pretty cool to watch (slash, annoying to listen to him sing loudly to himself for an hour and a half after going to bed). Mom is quarantining but got to read Theo bedtime books on her back deck with both wearing KN95s.
Many religions have celebrations this time of year marking new life, freedom, hope, reflection, re-commitment. A belated Happy Holi – Theo loved learning about it last week at school. This week: Chag Pesach Sameach and Happy Easter. In just under two weeks, Ramadan Mubarak. With the threat of the pandemic still looming large, keeping families apart, and preventing usual celebrations…for the second year in a row, it can be a particularly complex time.
In our house, today, Friday, is the second anniversary of my stepfather Larry’s death. I’m proud that this year I’ve honored it by having an essay about our experience (with recommendations for policy change) accepted for publication. Saturday is my birthday. Sunday is Easter in the Unitarian Universalist/atheist way that we celebrate it – a a basket, a hunt for plastic eggs full of chocolate, a “feast” (as Theo calls it) and mostly hoping that unlike the egg hunt of 2 years ago, we don’t end up in the emergency room with Theo again (giant splinter through the palm).
There are a lot of changes ahead as we re-invent our lives with my mother in our pod of 3, after a year of seeing virtually no one IRL. I’m hoping we can all have patience with ourselves and each other, space to figure out and articulate what we need, and ability to help each other get what we need.
(Re)Learnings and observations
It’s probably hard for other people too: We often assume that something that’s hard for us is easy for others (especially for others who seem to have their act together). First, it (whatever it is) probably is hard for someone else. Second, people who are able to do it either a) find other things hard, b) still find it hard but have tricks to manage it, or c) have a lot more emotional bandwidth than you do right now. Third, I find that I very much need help/advice from others about things I struggle with, even if I could give advice to someone else for very similar topics that they might find useful – I just can’t give it to myself. For example: I can see potential problems and solutions in a manuscript as a senior author (e.g. the mentor-y role) far more easily than I can as a first author (e.g. content-generator). And yet I learn as much in both roles. We need each other – we do not have our acts together in a vacuum.
Have a low tolerance for things that don’t work: I tend to be stubborn, and so persist through circumstances that, in retrospect, were just ridiculous to have pushed through. My brother was sharing that he’s finding his artwork frustrating right now (probably in part because he is usually quite good at but hasn’t had time to practice much recently because he’s been focused on his science). We brainstormed alternate ideas (especially ones that provide fewer choices but still some benefits like looking decent at the end), like paint by numbers or adult coloring books. Being quick to see frustration or procrastination as a sign of a problem and taking time to brainstorm why it’s not working vs. the desired goal, might help get unstuck. Or not brainstorm (because that takes mental effort): pivot to something different – perhaps a small fractional goal towards something you’re working towards.
Take time off. It’s still a pandemic. We’ve experienced large and small losses. There’s a massive amount of uncertainty. If not everyone in your household is vaccinated, there’s extra anxiety (both for the unvaccinated person, and for navigating decision-making). It’s been an unbelievably challenging year in a thousand ways (even in privileged households), and we need mental time and space to process that. Take real time off, away from your computer and email.
Gratitude & appreciation
My mother being here
Theo’s total complete excitement
Surprise gift box of chocolate and other goodies from a friend in Portland
Surprise gift had a purple wind-up hippo, which I may have accidentally made up a song about when trying to get Theo to go for a walk with me, to the tune of 99 Bottles…
The great preliminary data about Pfizer vaccines for 12-15yos
I did the 14-day writing challenge the last two weeks and definitely found it helpful
As before, I invite you to share how you are doing and your small goals.
Hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy.
Krista