Week 53
I am heartbroken and outraged about the latest hate crime, this time Asian American women in Atlanta. This violence, racism, and misogyny against members of the AAPI community is not new, but it is becoming more frequent during the pandemic. I appreciated getting messages from leaders throughout UCSF and beyond condemning these acts, as they have condemned other forms of racism and violence during the pandemic.
As with anti-Black racism, thoughts and prayers are insufficient. I encourage each of us to find our ways to act in solidary with one another. For those of you directly affected – I hope you and your loved ones are safe, that you find ways to step away from news and triggering messages, and that you hold the “shoulds” at arms length while you attend to what you need. UCSF resource teams include Student Health & Counseling (415) 476-1281 and the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (415) 476-8279.
For the rest of us – we can educate ourselves and our family members about the Asian American community and history of anti-Asian racism and discrimination, become an informed bystander to intervene if you see someone being harassed (ihollaback.org), report hate crimes (stopaapihate.org, or the SF Human Rights hotline at 415-252-2500), donate (e.g. to Oakland Chinatown Victims Fund or redcanarysong.net a grassroots organization that advocates for migrant sex workers), and amplify the work of trusted voices within the impacted communities (these ideas came from @hateisavirus and @teachandtransform on Instagram).
View from the houseboats
Our house continues to follow the tidal chaos and quiet of life with pets and child and work. Daylight savings time has been cursed frequently in our house this week - Theo is still going to sleep an hour later than he should be. He’s also having some incredibly sweet moments, and is requiring 5T leggings (yep, he’s still exclusively wearing leggings). I had a number of early morning work meetings and a backlog of work with deadlines - somehow exercise and self-care rarely happened this week. Thursday I decided I need a restorative yoga video instead of a bike ride, and it was much-needed. There has been some beautiful crisp weather amid the rainstorms (which we need) and the hills are bright green.
(Re)Learnings and observations
More reflections about facilitating time off. For my next attempt at time off, I will try to remember to schedule time on the other side to catch up on work. I’ve gotten out of the habit of putting blocks of time on my calendar to actually make progress on projects (likely because I kept ignoring my directions to myself). Yet multiple times this week I’ve been caught by surprise because I had set up meetings I was supposed to have written something for, yet neglected to make time for the writing. New skills to practice.
The concept of pacing. A friend/colleague has been trying to pass along this idea of pacing. A mix of mindfulness (what gives vs. takes energy, how activities impact your body) and attending to how you control the use of your time and schedule (insofar as we can). So for me, I think this means a mix of writing/thinking time, physical activity, and small meetings to balance out more energy-draining activities. Again – new skills to practice.
“It never gets easier, you just go faster” - Greg LeMond. This quip about cycling feels true about academia too. It’s not that my brain weasels are any less pesky, I’m just better at corralling them. When I feel too inadequate to the size of the problems, when it feels like none of my work makes any real inroads into understanding the problem or potential solutions, when I wonder if I have enough skill for this academic career, when the project I working on seems to be producing totally self-evident findings, and a thousand other versions of these thoughts – I am better at saying “ah ha! I’ve been around this rotary before. Let’s get off.” I tell myself these thoughts can wait for a better moment, or I outsource evaluation of the utility of my findings to a mentor or coauthor, or I talk to a trusted friend.
The balance point of mentoring: On a related point, sometimes the most valuable mentors are peers or people just a little ahead of you in your chosen path. People too far along the path may forget the specific things they had to learn or have blocked out how painful certain particularly uncertain and stressful career stages (life stages) are.
Gratitude & appreciation
Colleagues and team members who blocked me from emails while I was out
Having team members to move projects along faster than I could (or was) solo
Some long-simmering projects are coming to fruition – even having some of them drafted is really clearing up some psychic space
Discovering Headspace offers yoga, and some of the yoga classes are taught by my houseboat neighbor’s son, Peter Walters
The pandemic taught me that I can, in fact, exercise in my house despite our fun-policing dog (she’s an Australian Shepherd rescue)
My mother both has her second vaccine and her movers have come to collect most of her stuff and start the cross-country trek
That the Daylight Savings-induced bedtime meltdowns are improving…though Theo is still falling asleep an hour later than a week ago.
My cat did not puke on my comforter in the middle of my bed, because I was working at home and able to stop her. It was slightly embarrassing that it happened as I was mid-sentence in a presentation on zoom to some senior people.
Things we made
I found a few new recipes to try, and Sam made this spiced lamb and dill yogurt pasta for dinner one night. Theo spent awhile proclaiming his love of herbs (vs spices, which are too spicy, unless they are salt or cinnamon) after his first bite.
Things I’m looking forward to
A vacation away from my home
My mother being our neighbor so we can take a vacation away from our house
As before, I invite you to share how you are doing and your small goals.
I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy.
Krista