Week 45
View from the houseboats
We have a new President and Madame Vice President! Though we have so much work to do in the coming years, the Inauguration and associated celebrations were refreshingly diverse and inclusive. Theo was home from school this week due to COVID-like symptoms in our house (more on that in a moment) so he and I watched together on Wednesday. Pretty darn amazing. Getting family COVID tests in 2 different provider systems (stupid HealthNet) over the weekend was both annoying but also surprisingly smoother than expected. It’s not COVID…turns out I have both a sinus infection and strep. And then in the process of trying to get forms completed by PCPs to get Theo back to school, we found out Theo and Sam also have strep! Now that we have antibiotics in our system for 24h, Theo’s back to school today (which is good, because he was very bored and destructive after quarantine and at least one very sick parent and the other trying to do his job). I’ve taken the whole week off from work (with a little emailing here and there as medication/congestion allowed) and taken a lot of naps. I’m have more energy today, but still lots of symptoms, so I’m planning on more naps and disinfecting the house.
(Re)Learnings and observations:
When sick, one is way less patient/calm than one thinks one is. Or at least I am. We’ve had a lot of tantrums from Theo this week that in retrospect were likely a result of parents not being able to stay calm (and/or forgetting to feed him often enough…we ended up putting timers on our phone for daytime meals). On the upside, this gave us lots of opportunities to model how to “repair” after handling situations in less than ideal ways.
Building inclusive team structures. My poor spouse is losing his mind trying to both let me be miserable/sleep and keep Theo from killing himself/us and do his job. I realized that his job (IT systems) is not at all oriented to people who do any caregiving or aren’t available 24/7. Simple things like sending out meeting minutes so people don’t feel like they have to attend or else miss opportunities. It both makes me proud of the teams I’ve worked on and sad for everyone who is part of less thoughtful/inclusive teams. As a side note: I forgot how hard it is to try to take meetings (or virtual doctor appointments) with Theo at home. He starts shouting at the top of his lungs if the person on zoom doesn’t talk to him directly or if the other parent isn’t playing with him.
Normalizing time off. Colleagues were saying recently how much pushback they’ve gotten from others about taking time off – being told it put more work on others or didn’t help the team. What a terrible thing to say to someone else, even if true! Signs of a problematic culture – and insufficient slack in the system and people being burned out. Burning out ultimately is worse for teams and systems than regularly taking time off. It’s important, especially among leaders, to visibly take time off and loudly praise others for taking time off to care for themselves and others. I’ve benefitted from some great modeling of others taking time off, and I try to them how much I appreciate this modeling of taking time off. Yet I still have ways to go to stop telling myself unhelpful narratives about what is and is not postponeable. I’m at least proud of myself for canceling all my meetings this week, even two with Division/Center chairs. I’m still evaluating whether to take next week as a writing retreat – I likely will compromise and do minimal meetings and use it to catch up on work (and wellbeing).
Gratitude & appreciation
We don’t have COVID!
Antibiotics!
Everyone being supportive and nice about me canceling/rescheduling meetings
I led a meeting in our group that was in some ways outside my comfort zone and it seemed to be well-received.
Male faculty suggested creating a support group for gestating/lactating (they said women, I transformed to trans-inclusive language) research fellows/faculty, and I’m both appreciative they did and glad that I suggested we should be attentive to preventing the logistical and emotional burdens from falling (uncompensated) on female faculty – akin to how DEI work should not be uncompensated labor only by our colleagues from minoritized populations
I sent an email suggesting an idea for a way to improve networking/visibility of our junior aging (geriatrics/gerontology) researchers that would be more inclusive of people who can’t (or don’t want to) travel that I had drafted months ago and held of sending, and it was well-received
All of the above indicate that I’m stepping up in ways that don’t seem to be stepping on toes – I struggle with this sometimes, where I step up in ways or times that are unwelcome or aren’t part of how people see me – and it feels like perhaps my capability and comfort are beginning to align with my position at UCSF and how I am viewed. Interesting evolution.
Things I’m looking forward to
(per the advice of this UCSF Psychiatry webinar)
Ok right now I’m just looking forward to not being sick. And being well enough for a bike ride.
As usual, I invite you to share how you are doing and your small goals.
Krista