Week 26
View from the houseboats
What can I say. Today the anniversary of 9/11, when ~2,000 Americans died, in the middle of the pandemic where nearly 200,000 Americans died, in a week that included incredible heat over the weekend, the disturbing Wednesday fireskies, and now AQI of over 200 in Sausalito. In one sense, we are ok at our house – we relied on fans and TV to get through the heat over the weekend, closed the curtains during Orange Wednesday, and our air filter is running constantly (and I said yes to my mother’s offer to get us another one). We still have jobs, Theo still has preschool, we still have our home that we enjoy. On the other hand – this is all quietly emotionally challenging, particularly heading into the most important election, perhaps ever. I’m taking today, Monday and Tuesday off. This morning I finished cleaning out my office at Laurel Heights, got a flu shot, integrated my office art into the house, and am now watching the ergonomic video from DOM (I am surprised at how helpful it is). Next plans involve binge watching movies and eating popcorn on the couch with Sam, maybe an indoor spin.
Given it’s after Labor Day, the medical academic year started in July, and the kid school year started sometime in the last few weeks, it feels like a time to prepare for the test that this fall and winter may bring (in terms of elections, pandemic, social upheaval, and more). I spent some time last weekend reviewing some of the pandemic letters I sent over the last 25 weeks and culling some reflections for “back to basics” for maintaining some balance amid upheaval.
(Re)Learnings and observations
Back to basics - priorities: Life priorities in times of upheaval, according to me: 1) sleep, 2) exercise, 3) whatever keeps other people in the house sane in short and long-term ways, 4) other self-care activities (meditation, journaling, etc.), 5) small, accomplishable work goals prioritized by importance (for the world, for promotion) and by urgency. Also hydrating, but this might because of my propensity to drink pots of coffee; I’ve started hanging a 2L camelback hiking water bladder on my desk so that I remember to drink it. I’m using our indoor bike trainer (that converts a regular bike to a spin bike) quite a bit amid the smoke.
Back to basics – work priorities: I didn’t really figure this out until I got to UCSF (e.g. after PhD and hospice job) but it’s useful to keep in mind what is important to me, important to the world, and important to getting promoted (in that order). I am continually assessing the pantheon of things I'm asked to do (or, more importantly, that I ask myself to do). Life as an academic, and as an academic parent, for me seems to be finding ways to reduce/prevent "guilt" at the laundry list of undone things.
Back to basics – accepting the vicissitudes: Ok you’re going to get a few more water/sailing extended metaphors than usual this week. Every day may involve significant shifts in mood or resilience levels. Our houseboat literally moves up and down with the tide daily, sometimes stuck in the mud, sometimes tipping in the wind on a very high tide. If you fight it, you are more likely to fall over or get seasick; alternatively, you keep your knees loose, take deep breaths, say “I can do this”, and try to roll with it.
Back to basics – creating a marsh: Marshes are essential for protecting against floods – they can flourish in a wide variety of conditions and can absorb a tremendous amount of water in a flood. We are continuing in a year where uncertainty is certain, and where the safe money is on periodic disruptions as the pandemic flares (for us this means getting ready for Theo being sent home from preschool for 1-2 weeks at a time). Strategically, I’d like to organize my schedule so that in general I have meetings in the mornings and quiet writing/analysis time in the afternoons. Meetings are important, but less important (generally) than the writing time – that way if there’s flooding in my life (e.g. Theo home from school on short notice) I will still have writing/thinking time built in and I can cancel the meetings due to family obligations. Yep, this is a selfish strategy. It feels uncomfortable. But right now I think it’s likely to have the best long-term outcomes.
Back to basics – breaks: The ergonomic presentation is talking about switching between sitting, standing and moving every hour, and about converting video calls to audio calls to have some variation. My mother was telling me about the benefits of taking many mini-breaks throughout the day (like a 3 minute meditation break) both for mental health and eye health. I feel pretty strange about taking a day off today when I can’t go anywhere between smoke and pandemic (and I guess given I’ve done a bunch of work things like take things out of my office, I’m not technically on vacation until this afternoon) but I could tell I needed some time with less work pressure. I’ve learned to pay attention to when I tend to be more irritable or angry in meetings (and I’ve started to learn which meetings I routinely manifest these reactions to). It’s an indicator I need time off, or at minimum, need a break from meetings to use my time however I need to, which is usually a blend of cleaning/organizing the house and catching up on some of my writing or thinking.
Actions to support Black and other people of color: Continued reading 12 Years a Slave and Autobiography of Malcom X, also downloaded Bad Feminist.
Gratitude & appreciation
I bought a sailboat! It’s a 1978 ugly duckling of a patched-up Laser (a 1-2 person racing dingy), and it was $250 on craigslist plus Uhaul rental fees to get it from San Rafael home. It’s completely impractical for taking out a 4yo or a family, but it’s what I grew up sailing and the price feels right for the experimentation. As you can tell I was inspired after the sail with a neighbor a few weeks ago. We spent last weekend cleaning it and getting gear and got out on one sail before the heat and smoke got bad. I took it out at first, Sam and Theo followed in the kayak, and then Theo transferred to join me – he was fearless and spent the whole time quizzing me about pirates.
As in past weeks, I invite you to report in on your wellbeing, share your goal of a tiny step towards a passion project (and perhaps a second goal of a collaboration) and report in on your progress from last week's goals.
Thinking of you and hoping you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe.
Krista