Week 80
View from the Houseboats
This week marked the fall equinox. It’s a transitional time, liminal space between life and death. From luscious harvests to leaves shivering into drifts in preparation for a season of wintering and renewal. Fall is a time for reflection, letting go of what no longer serves us.
In contrast, I’m hearing the stress of the last few years in the voices of my colleagues. Resilience is scarce, especially among those spending most of their time on clinical care, or clinical care and teaching. The systems are untenable, with minimal relief in sight. We ask each other how to support colleagues, trainees, staff, and other team members. If we don’t ask how people are, if we don’t make space for sharing as and when people want, we are insensitive – if we ask at unwelcome times and ways, there too, we are insensitive.
Personally, I expect I will fail (in subtle ways, or in substantial ways) but I try anyway. A colleague reminded me to show up with authenticity, and hope that it would be enough. I show up and try again and again; I trust the people around me to tell me if I get it wrong and give me grace and forgiveness if I do. And every time I try, I hope I get better at what I’m attempting. This is the way I approach my research these days, as well. Trying each time to ask better questions, use better methods to understand the world around me, to understand and perhaps even address problems.
Navigating these spaces, supporting trainees and colleagues, doing this emotional labor – it’s exhausting and wearing. We know it’s essential. We know it’s what we want for ourselves. And yet.
These are some strategies I’m employing this week amid my own moods:
Making a list of what I do accomplish (vs. what needs to be done)
Switching from tasks that require high cognitive & emotional load to ones that are easier but still need to be done (if with less urgency). Instead of drafting a manuscript that I wish was happening faster, I worked on adding citations. For another manuscript that was rejected from the first couple journals, I cut words to prepare for submitting to another journal. I accepted colleague challenges to write for 10 minutes, or to write 2 sentences, and instead I wrote a paragraph.
Planning to take time off, and working towards calendar re-arrangements to make it possible
Appreciating the graciousness of the TWO people whose meetings I missed this week because of calendar mishaps
Reading this and other poems
Interesting things on the internet
Colleagues’ research on women’s experiences with promotion and tenure in academic medicine
Glamping location in Big Sur I’d like to check out
Thinking of you, and hoping you are well
Krista