Week 77
View from the Houseboats
Reporting back after vacation: as usual, I wished for more time away, and more time to catch up after my return.
We had a lovely trip to Boise to visit my in-laws last week. Audiobooks, iPad, and copious snacks kept Theo happy on the 11-hour car drive. He was happy to sleep in his own room for the first time (and hat tip to his grandparents who decked out the room in special sea themed stuff for him). As always, I had trouble unplugging from work, but it felt more relaxed to choose to spend time on the drive working on some paper writing, and a few hours sitting outside on a porch in front of a firepit coding a few transcripts. I should delete all the apps from my phone, but I never want to put the effort in to put them back on afterwards.
Despite smoke blowing in from the west, Sam and I got away for 3 days backpacking by ourselves, which let us read books in a hammock in the late afternoon. As often occurs, grief crept in – for me it often waits until I step outside normal life to be heard. It was so helpful to have that space for conversations without kid interruptions.
Theo used the time we were away to talk his grandparents into getting him a robot from the zoo gift shop, which led to a new interest this week in being an engineer and watching videos from robot conferences. Theo also commandeered two toys from Sam’s childhood to bring home (a glowworm and a Pound Purry). There were blue skies and perfect weather by the end of the trip (a wind shift) which made it harder to leave and return to the smoky/foggy Sausalito. We came home on Saturday which gave us Sunday to deep clean the house.
In the middle of vacation, in fact the day we went backpacking, an essay I wrote about grief was published and went the academic equivalent of viral; it’s been getting 800-1000 views a day. I had been so focused on writing and submitting it, I totally forgot to imagine potential responses. It’s been gratifying and heartbreaking at once to hear how it resonates with people. I’ve gotten many emails from strangers sharing their own grief stories or asking for advice about how to honor deathiversaries. I also did a podcast about it and spent the subsequent days thinking about other things I wished I had said. Hopefully, these will become future posts.
The news about wildfires, hurricane Ida, Texas, Afghanistan, Delta, and more has been…bleak…this week. Colleagues have reminded me that a combination of taking action, reminding ourselves of the things we can be grateful for, sleep and exercise can help make space to manage the overwhelmingness of the world.
On that note: things I am grateful for include a curious and cuddly (and thankfully healthy) kid, a spouse that cooks us dinner and brings home flowers from Trader Joes, resilience to roll with Theo’s resistance to dinner and insistence on making his own (he concocted mac & cheese with miso and butter lettuce last night?), having motivation to get up for early morning runs a couple days this week (not the last couple, but still), having such thoughtful and well-meaning colleagues, continuing to slowly make progress on my writing projects and transition into new leadership rolls. Hoping you find a few moments to make your own lists, a small bulwark against the grey smoky foggy day, actual or metaphorical.
Interesting things on the internet
Note: many of these links come from colleagues or from UCSF
Afghanistan
Haiti
Wildfires
Texas
To help folks in Texas get access to the care they need: this link splits donations between 9 funds: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/txfunds
Donate to the legal battle to fight the Texas law in the courts at
Whole Woman’s Health Alliance: https://www.wholewomanshealthalliance.org/
Center for Reproductive Rights: https://bit.ly/3hdJHhJ
and ACLU: https://bit.ly/3t96m3t
Call on your congress members to support and pass the Women's Health Protection Act (WHPA), which provides federal protections to the right to access abortion regardless of the state a person lives in: https://bit.ly/3zDIqrj
UCSF Well-Being and Mental Health Resources
Posts from me
Ebbs, flows and non-linearity in productivity
It’s hard for others too, in mentoring
Hoping you are all well
-Krista