After my son and spouse left for school this morning, I motivated to get out for a bike ride. It’s been a bit since the last time I got out - the chain was making noise, my mirror had fallen off and broken - and I kept using these (and the smoke and fog) as excuses not to ride. But I fixed enough of those issues that I motivated today.

As often occurs, during the ride I thought of an extended metaphor. I pass, or get passed by, many cyclists each ride. I thought about my range of experiences on the bike; even though my leg cadence and heart rate are pretty consistent throughout my ride (one form of pacing), my rate of progress can be quite slow on the uphills, but as fast as some cars on the downhills. My speed at any given moment on any given day is impacted by how much sleep and exercise I’ve been getting, whether a car or another cyclist is slowing my progress (or triggering my competitive streak), and the conditions of the road. Sleep & exercise are impacted by Theo’s developmental stage and the current demands of my professional roles. I’ve had long periods off the bike because of childbirth, grants, and grief.

Today, someone that looked like they ought to be really fast on the downhills was going quite slow, and I was frustrated and wondering what was going on. It reminded me that I don’t know anything where they are in their training, whether they are taking it really easy after a bad crash, or if they’re letting someone else who is not as strong lead the ride that day. I don’t know if they’re nearing the end of the ride and cooling down, or at the start of the ride and warming up.

I thought about how many people we travel beside in our professional life - peers, mentors, mentees - people we think of as peers but watch from afar. It’s rare that we know much of what is going on with the people around us. But we often judge ourselves against our perception of how fast “those people” seem to be going, or went when they were at our stage, or how fast they look like they should be able to go. We don’t know what advantages they are working from (great examples of grants, a clear vision for their career, mentors who have time for lots of editing) or what relational and family responsibilities are impacting their bandwidth (childrearing, older family caregiving, grief, etc).

Perhaps this boils down to the old aphorism: comparison is the enemy of joy. But I would add, compassion and patience for yourself and for others makes the journey easier.