Week 92
View from the Houseboats Idaho
We have been in Idaho with my in-laws this week (with antigen tests before & after). I think it’s the first time I’ve felt temperatures below 30 and played in snow (when not backpacking) in 2 or 3 years now. We made the decision late, so I’ve been working but also periodically canceling meetings to join in fun activities like a sleigh ride, elk feeding, lights in the botanical gardens, coloring and building things with Theo. It’s been nice!
While making and decorating gingerbread cookies, we watched the UCSF Department of Medicine Grand Rounds with updates on omicron. I also sent my mother and brother materials summarizing what we know about omicron. What I’ve gathered is that omicron is much more infectious, such that even vaccinated and boosted people (like my family) could get breakthrough infections. We’re unlikely to develop severe symptoms but we could pass it to others given it’s already in the Bay Area, so our actions are in the name of public health and not contributing to overburdened healthcare systems, vs actions from fear (though I am really feeling the privilege of Theo being vaccinated just ahead of this wave, especially in light of news that vaccines for kids under 5s are far further off than expected). Thus, we will be using antigen tests immediately before we combine households to gather for masks-off celebrations.
I’ve been reflecting on how challenging it is to have security and confidence in the face of unknowing - to be clear on what you’re not clear on. I was thinking about this in the context of presenting in-process research to get feedback. Yet it is also a major factor in the decision fatigue in face of the changing science of each covid wave.
I have also been thinking about the discomfort of advocacy. In last week’s presentation about grief, I ended by saying: “I wish I didn’t have the expertise to be speaking today. I don’t always want or have bandwidth to do this advocacy. I worry about unintended consequences of vulnerability, particularly as a woman in academia. I get frustrated at how slowly my research papers are developing. And yet I want better from the world.” This week I’ve also been thinking about how advocacy is an act of hope, and noticing that for me, hope and advocacy together take resilience.
Finally, I’ve been meditating on boundaries: how to know where to set them, and with whom. Academia and medicine are examples of “greedy” professions where more hours of work are expected and rewarded, and there is always something else to do or patients in need. As a colleague said so eloquently, “the pandemic really highlighted how the systems we live and work in (school, childcare, health care) have inherent biases and obstacles for certain populations. Employees have twisted themselves into pretzels to try and fit into existing systems and that's not working anymore.” Boundary setting, such as prioritizing family and self; to take vacation and to make time for loved ones, or to prioritize gaining skills we need to achieve long-term goals, is almost counter-cultural and a skill to be practiced. As another wise colleague said, “we need to stop patching the holes for the system in order to give the system an incentive to change.”
With that, I wish for you all the fortitude to set boundaries in your personal and professional life that help you thrive. I wish you the bravery to not finish your tasks before closing the computer. This can be a complicated time of year, and I hope those of us who are managing and reinventing around heartbreak can be patient with the process. If you can, prioritize self-preservation activities: meditation, medication, exercise, journaling, long walks, crying, long fantasy books about dragons – whatever helps your balance.
Interesting things on the internet
Thinking of you and your loved ones. Here’s hoping 2022 brings more hope than heartbreak.
Krista