This past week marked the autumnal equinox and start of fall. On the one hand, that historically meant lovely weather in Sausalito (and it has been this week). On the other, it marks a turn toward holiday seasons that can feel particularly lonely to grievers. If you are having a tough week this week may not (or may) be sure of the reasons why – you are not alone.

I had a whole post drafted on Friday, but never had time to post it. This weekend Sam is away on a solo backpacking trip for his birthday while I hold down the fort. Unfortunately, Theo’s going through a fearful spell. We’ve been having some luck re-writing narratives that he finds scary. A few weeks ago it was re-writing/drawing the Gruffalo book so that what Theo now calls the Huffalo is tiny and friends with a big mouse. Friday night it was drawing the scary elephant graveyard from the Lion King into a more joyful place with confetti, bows, green grass, and flowers. Though Theo followed me into every room/space today and refused to be alone, we had a lovely day cleaning, visiting with friends, and then finding that there was a live concert at The Junction where we went to lunch. Theo was so entranced we stayed an extra hour after our friends left. This is all true (and resources for supporting anxious kids appreciated) but reminds me of both the coexistence of hardness and joyfulness, as well as how we practice (again and again) to manage our thoughts.

Now that we’re a month into kindergarten at the new school (and a few months in the new house), we’ve started experimenting with different schedules. Between ~July 2020-July 2022, we kept a pretty rigid home schedule to minimize decision fatigue. Every school day Sam dropped Theo off at school, and I did pickup while Sam made dinner based on the meal planning we (Sam) did over the weekend. This week, we realized a) Theo is more exhausted and uncommunicative at the end of the day, and b) our household labor is unbalanced because my mother is helping with pickup/aftercare a few days a week. So I dropped Theo off at school a few days this week, made dinner a few times, and even went over to my office in Mission Bay on Wednesday. It feels silly to admit but the changes have raised all sorts of complicated emotions. Change after a series of hard years isn’t always easy or straightforward.

I’ve been thinking about how to make small changes to invest a little more time in wellness despite not having much bandwidth. For example, the weather’s been lovely in Sausalito, but I haven’t gotten outside much …but in writing that sentence mid-day Friday, I realized I could continue my writing on the deck in the sun. Maybe next week I can take the first few minutes of my writing blocks to meditate. I’ve been thinking, too, about building short loops (20 minutes?) on the mountain bike since I’m new to it but would also like to get stronger. Another way I’ve been supporting wellness is finding places to set boundaries or take pressure off. I’ve got two drafted blog posts that I’d like to finish, but I’ve closed them to revisit at a future date. And I’m recognizing the healing evident in the fact this has been the easiest time at home (inside my head) since 2018.

Things on the internet (aka things in my tabs):

• Your work matters; build your schedule accordingly

• Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert talking grief

• The right to grief without diagnosis

• Stephanie Foo on 10% Happier Podcast

• Simplified explanation of qualitative coding

• Cyborg qualitative coding (some human, some computer)

• Recipe for Extremadura Almond Pie

• Posts from me:

  • Productivity: not easier but faster

  • Academic recipes: accountability and goal setting

L’shanah tovah and g’mar chatima tovah to those celebrating Rosh Hashanah.