As sometimes happens, no sooner did I write last week’s post that reflected a few days of feeling more at east than I slammed into a wall of overwhelm. I was trying to get a few big things off my plate before taking time off: revisions for two grants to support a research center and a fellowship program, respectively (I lead neither but am contributing big sections), and a big revise and resubmit for a first-author paper that is the culmination of 4+ years of work. I also have been trying to organize travel to visit my extended family and friends in New England, which a) is complicated enough to involve 3 spreadsheets and approximately 50 emails, and b) has involved sifting through a lot of anticipatory grief for how much life has changed since our last family visit before the funerals. Grief high tides this week have also been related to this being Theo’s last week (and last day) at the Laurel Heights daycare/preschool – end of an era. I’m proud of how I managed all this:

I reached out for help. First, I talked to my primary research mentor about how to manage the overwhelming workload. We decided that since it’s an unfortunate confluence of responsibilities that will ease after the final grant deadline in mid-November, I’m rebalancing my priorities and obligations rather than dropping responsibilities (for now). I’m going to prioritize activities for my long-term career survival (i.e. write and submit my R01). My second tier of focus will be activities I enjoy: mentoring people I’ve already committed to supporting on their research projects. I’m going to mentally minimize service responsibilities, such as by attending fewer meetings. Second, I talked to my therapist, spouse, and grief group members about the complicated feelings related to bringing Theo back to Cape Cod and ending preschool. Third, I made some mental space for myself. I gave colleagues and mentees heads up about my upcoming change in availability. I blocked Friday off (today!) as PTO so I could tie up loose ends and pack….and found myself with time and bandwidth to write this reflection. As a result, for the first time in years (that I can remember) I feel like I found a place to pause before taking time off.

Gratitude

• An enjoyable outdoor gathering of the Division of Geriatrics for the first time in years

• That my mother was able to drop everything to help me pick up Theo on-time when our car battery died on Tuesday

• That my parents-in-law are here to pet-sit (and avoid Boise heat) while we are away and help with childcare the rest of the week after we return

• That my mother-in-law made an amazing basket of relaxation aides (like bath mixes) that I look forward to returning to

• That Theo has had 5 wonderful years with the Laurel Heights daycare/preschool

• That we will get to see much of my extended family!

Small goals for next week

Time off!