Week 13
View from the houseboats
On the home front, in our very smallest bubble, it was a usual sine-wave of a week with lots of sleep deprivation and despair early in the week and huge mood improvements after finding out on Wednesday that Theo will be able to return to his preschool on July 6. We had started to look into new preschools or think about having to move in order to find a sustainable solution for the next year or two of pandemic life, especially given that 4.5 million daycare/preschools spots are at risk of going away because of the pandemic and economic depression (due to lack of public funding). Having a break in sight from the full-time-pandemic-parenting-while-working-in-small-space makes a major difference in what feels possible. It feels strange to share it when many others don’t yet have an end in sight, but I figure good news is worth sharing these days.
(Re)Learnings and observations
Several friends and colleagues have shared their experiences with racism with me this last week. I am so sorry that this is your world experience. I am sorry that friends and colleagues that you thought would be willing to hear your experiences or defend you instead manifested their white fragility. I’ve also been reading stories from #BlackInTheIvory across social media – powerful, depressing, and often eye opening. I believe while values and intent matters, they matter much less than the ultimate impact on other people. It’s a reminder I am part of the problem (despite my best efforts to date) and must continue to strive to do better. I am grateful for the effort, risk, and emotional labor people of color have been taking on to share that impact with others. Others have pointed out that Black people and other people of color are “asked to bear the brunt of racism and the bear the weight of fixing it”. We (individuals, organizations) need to find ways to pay people of color for their efforts (in addition to reparations).
A colleague/mentor noted the importance of building a culture of constant learning and growth, such that it is normalized to gently point out when a colleague says something in a less-than-sensitive/ideal way and to be able to receive that information without being threatened. Leadership training (and parenting books) emphasize the importance of getting curious about why someone does or says what they do. This is something I can practice more. Similarly, this mentor was commenting on how much faculty need to continue learning from students, especially around rapidly-shifting norms of language, impacts of systemic racism, and the like. We are often better building a culture of constant learning with our science rather than with interpersonal interactions – yet in neither place do we ever “arrive” since both are constantly evolving. A welcoming culture where all are humble and open to learning from all members of the community is a great facilitator to good science, in my (white, privileged) experience.
In research there are “productivity tides”. There are phases when you can (possibly because you have to because there’s a big deadline) work incredibly hard and efficiently. And then there are phases when you find that no matter how hard you try, everything is slow and inefficient and feels like it’s going nowhere. After the cognitive and emotional overload of the last few weeks, which led to very slow/low progress on academic products, I’m starting to work my way back.
I saw this quote on social media: “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new” (Dan Millman in Way of the Peaceful Warrior). I don’t know the author or the book, but it felt like a good goal amid the pandemic and the protests to re-invent our worlds. Not an easy task. In a small way, we re-organized the house to move Theo’s “room” to the back by the slider and Sam’s desk to the front room. We were able to borrow materials from the neighbor and from other parts of the house to rig up a temporary curtain to enclose Theo’s new space. He slept well his first night there (and well but short the second night). It’s another step towards making the house setup sustainable for a longer term of people working from home.
Actions to support Black and BIPOC people
On Wednesday during #ShutDownSTEM, I participated in the Geriatrics Research Faculty meeting devoted to reflecting on the last few weeks of protests and brainstorming actions we can take to grow the pipeline of POC aging researchers as well as expand the diversity of our fellowships and faculty so there is a cohort of people to support each other.
I learned about @blkgradmentors which was just founded by Rhodes Scholars; I signed up to be a mentor/donate up to 5 hours to start.
I learned about it from this great Professor Is In post: “Translating an Uprising…. And Other Things That Are Not My Job – #BLM Guest Post”.
My family is working our way through antiracist texts. I’m currently reading article-length versions like this article on White Fragility by Robin DeAngelo and my mom’s digest of the book for her professional blog or this Atlantic article on the book. My mom also shared this On Being podcast with Therapist and trauma specialist Resmaa Menakem.
Some resources my friend sent after our mutual friend had a very white male reaction to her sharing her very tired-pandemic-parent-of-color truth: WaPo article re: MLK’s Letter from a Birmingham jail (let me know if you need a PDF version).
I need to work my way through these lists of anti-racism resources and actions to take.
We watched the Sesame Street townhall (later because timing is not our current forte) – it was a great lesson in how direct you can be as a parent about talking about racism, so I’ve been working on that during my hikes with Theo.
I found my Black Lives Matter lawn sign (which had fallen down from rusted-out posts) and nailed it to the dock railings in front of my house. We still haven’t attended a protest, but here are some printable signs.
Bought some presents for friends from this list of Black womxn-owned businesses (ps – I have an unapologetic love for this wedding planning company founded by Oakland resident Meg Keene and whose blog I have been reading since I got engaged in 2008 and stayed because of the excellent feminist, activist, and relationship content) (pps – she uses womxn as a trans-inclusive term).
Gratitude & appreciation
Again, grateful that Theo will have a spot back at his old preschool. I am also grateful my Division Chief investigated the new prioritization rules at the UCSF-affiliated schools and wrote a letter advocating for us. She seems to be realizing that just because the work can be done from home, does not mean the worker can do the work at home.
I took 2 naps last weekend (while Theo napped)
The trick to get Theo to hike on his own two feet continues to work – nearly 3 miles yesterday! The trick is that he will only go up the Spencer stairs up to the Morning Sun trail, and then there are blackberries along the way to help with bribing (along with a backpack full of snacks).
I texted my 16yo neighbor for potential babysitting and she’s willing – now we just have to try it!
Another neighbor offered to take Theo for periodic bike rides – he’s working on setting up his e-bike with a kids seat.
When we moved out to California I bought a wind chime that sounds like the buoy on Buzzards Bay where I grew up – it’s been so windy this weekend I’ve been hearing it a lot and it’s so soothing.
A neighbor shared her great artwork of the houseboat community.
Things I’m looking forward to
A backpacking trip
Things “we” made in our house (aka quarantine hobbies)
Sam made yogurt, granola, date syrup and date paste, pistachio cashew “milk”, fresh bread
As in past weeks, I invite you to report in on your wellbeing, share 1-2 small goals you are hoping to work on next week (especially related to our collaborations, if we have one), and report in on your progress from last week's goals
Thinking of you and hoping you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe.
Krista