Imposter syndrome and early career research
This post is specific to those working on career development awards or preparing job talks. It’s a transitional time, filled with substantial uncertainty, with the #1 goal often being a paid position at the other end, with a close second being a goal aligned with their values, talents, and future vision.
People at this career stage may wonder which is the right path for them, which path they want to pursue next, and how to answer these questions. They may wonder which of 10 or 15 research questions or directions they want to pursue. The generous words of mentors describing their potential can feel like false promises. They chafe at being called the “leaders of tomorrow” who are destined to solve long-intractable problems. Most of what they see is the number of things they don’t know how to do yet, all the unfinished projects.
First, I have yet to meet someone at this stage (that I like) who doesn’t express some sense of not knowing enough, not belonging, of being different, of being unworthy to the role or the problems. Second, my guess is that as we move through our careers and gain a more secure sense of our place, the problems we like to address, and the people we like working with, this sense of imposter syndrome fades. Third, I think we also get practice managing those feelings, much in the way we learn to manage other forms of negative self-talk.
Management techniques come into play for different parts of the issue. These are drawn in part from my own experience, and in part from attending our Geriatrics Works-In-Progress for the last 6 years and absorbing the advice of experience mentors. In no particular order:
For the issue of multiple potential paths: Write multiple aims pages for different project ideas. Pay attention to how you respond to them, and how your mentors respond to them. What are you most excited about? Which idea do you have the best explanation and defense for when you’re talking out loud? (Consider dictating to Microsoft Word to capture this version).
Map out a couple different career paths and what you’d need to do to achieve them. What are the valued accomplishments? What are the necessary steps?
Work backwards – what kind of person do you want to be like as a full professor in 10-15 years? What kind of research do you think you might gravitate towards? Do you want to mentor or teach? Do you want to have a small lab or lead a big center? Your answers to these questions likely won’t be static over time - they will change as you learn more about what these positions entail and what sacrifices may be required to reach them.
Pretend the person you are writing the grant application for and about is your best friend, not you. It’s easier to think kind things about others than ourselves. Or with letters of recommendation - trade with a friend or colleague - they can draft your letters of recommendation and you can write theirs. Or if your mentors have written letters for other mentees in the past, ask mentees for copies so you can incorporate that style (and those adjectives/adverbs) into your own letters.
Finally - remember that in most career development awards (especially from NIA) you are making a guesstimate of how you want to spend your time - you are proposing one piece of a larger research agenda, a potential vision for your future career. They are really investing in you - you can re-negotiate the research over time after you get the funding. I’ve ended up pivoting quite a bit, and my R01s are/will likely be on topics that veer quite a bit from what I thought I would do based on my K01.