Someone you know has just experienced a loss, and you’re wondering what to do. Here are some ideas for the first few months after a loss:

Tangible gifts

• Pre-made gift boxes: https://shopgoodgrief.com/collections/loss (they look quite good)

• Weighted blanket or throw

• Soft snuggly blanket

• Donation to an organization relevant to the deceased or their family

• A low-maintenance plant, like a snake plant, cactus or succulent

• Animal heating pad: https://warmies.com/collections/animal-wraps

• For a month or three later:

  • A 1-year subscription to a text-based grief support service that starts whenever they are ready: https://helptexts.com/give-a-gift/

  • A grief journal/workbook:

    • How to Carry what Can't be Fixed: a Journal for Grief by Megan Devine

    • The Modern Loss Handbook

Instrumental help:

• Organize a meal train on their behalf

• Gift cards for food delivery (depending where they live) or meal kits

• Give them 2-3 options of specific ways you’d like to help, and ask them to pick the least objectionable

• If they have kids, take kids or hire a babysitter so the griever can have alone time, a massage, a date with partner/spouse, etc.

• Gift certificates for massage, accupuncture;

• Invitations to join for a walk, exercise class

Intangible gifts:

• Offering to share news on their behalf if it seems like they want people to know but don’t want to be the one to put effort/words to what happened

• Assess their communication preferences (for example, “which of these options sounds least terrible/most appealing: heart emoji texts now you don’t have to respond to, word-based emails/texts now, or messages in a week or two”).

• Find ways to connect that don’t require the person to respond, but allows them to if they want. I personally use heart emoji text messages.

• Writing the deathiversary or other important dates in your calendar and reaching out annually (esp in the days leading up to it)

• Continue reaching out even if every offer is turned down